James Stahl - Compassion Is…
The world of military veteran turned yogi is a small one…but one that is getting bigger and bigger. I have not officially met James (Jimmy), but our paths are very similar. James is a California-based yogi who also enjoys surfing and ‘laying about.” When I sent out my email requests for people to offer what Compassion means to them, I didn’t put any limitations on word-count or topic. James tackles a very difficult topic through the lens of compassion.
Compassion: “sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it” as defined by Webster's Dictionary. I have also read a great description: “To Suffer together”
Compassion gets a rap as soft or passive, but there is solid biological evidence that points to it being not only a vital part of our social structure but also strengthens the body’s immune system and self-image. When one shows or feels compassion, the heart rate slows down, oxytocin is secreted, and the brain areas linked to pleasure engage. You can imagine that this would be a good thing. You and those around you are affected by your positive change in an emotional state. How you approach those around you (or yourself) with compassion can be varied and what effects this will have I will touch on later.
Although many synonyms can be interlaced with compassion, empathy, and sympathy moderate the way you apply them. Both are genuine expressions of compassion manifested in similar yet distinct approaches to dealing with the situation. Empathy is the ability to share and more importantly understand the perspective of another. Sympathy is the understanding of your perspective of another’s issue.
Both are second-order effects of having compassion. Both are tools that can be beneficial and harmful in the process. The former is a tool we use to support others in their own growth or recovery while the latter compels us to get actively involved in helping others solve problems.
When we talk or think about compassion, typically we think of its outward expression, compassion for others and their wellbeing. We see a homeless person and try imagining ourselves in their place or how hard it is for them. Compassion compels us to act, to help, spare, or pity. How you act on compassion is a process based on your ability, status, and morals. You can have compassion, yet not act, or have compassion and seek a solution or a means of comforting the person/ people/ group you are compassionate about.
What about compassion for those who we disagree with, or have an antagonistic relationship with? Recently we have become tribalized along political and social lines, we do not agree with other viewpoints, nor take the time to listen and learn from our opposites. Compassion does not mean agreement or changing your point of view, but it closes the gap between others and allows discourse and discussion. Only through the discipline of listening and trying to understand can growth occur.
One of the most valuable things I learned as a Marine was compassion for my enemy. Given the circumstance, I could literally hate and wish harm to those I fought against. Compassion not only made me a moral person in a situation where violence was a requirement but legitimized the morality of my cause and mission. I did not have to agree or even respect them. I did, however, temper my hate and anger towards them. This might not seem relevant to those who cause harm, however, it is the literal job description. We are trained to bring violence. We accept this as a duty. Veterans know we may lose some of that hardened viewpoint and look with older and more experienced eyes at how we process that trauma. Compassion for your enemy may help in compassion for yourself when the memories of what you went through resurface.
“Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.”
― Andrew Boyd, Daily Afflictions: The Agony of Being Connected to Everything in the Universe
Often, we are our own worse critics, and the compassion we have is given away freely to others in need before we even consider our own needs. A term often used in the yoga community is “practice radical self-compassion.” In layman's terms, realizing that you need to have care for yourself, your mental, physical, and emotional state, to be critical of yourself but in a constructive way rather than destructive. Not only is this a healthy strategy for your well-being, but it also creates the conditions for you to have the energy to act on your compassion for others. You can suffer, you can hurt, you have problems and issues that you should address, and yet give away energy to others because of compassion. Your compassion should not be reserved for others, it is vital you take the time to apply it to yourself.
“Self-love is about slipping up, having the bad days, and loving ourselves despite of them, forgiving ourselves and, most importantly, having compassion for ourselves and how we’re feeling. So, give yourself permission to fall down, but don’t give yourself permission to stay there.”
― Saskia Lightstar,
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