I officially met Judy Weaver at the Sedona Yoga Festival a few years back, but we both work in a very similar space so our paths crossed for the first time about six years ago. Judy is the founder of Connected Warriors, one of the first trauma-informed yoga programs focused on servicemembers. MalaforVets is honored to have formed a mutually beneficial relationship with Connected Warriors, and if you’ve never taken a yoga class with Judy…you need to put that on your bucket list.

When Chris asked me to contribute my perspectives about the Pursuit of Compassion for the MalaforVets blog, I immediately said yes - followed by OMG what does compassion mean to me? 

Like the nerd I am, I googled compassion and the first definition was “sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others or to suffer together and feel motivated to help.” Next, I looked up pity and found it means “cause for regret or disappointment or as a verb to feel sorry for the misfortunes of.”  Finally, I looked up sympathy which means “feelings of pity and sorry for someone else’s misfortune or a mutual common feeling between people.”

Diving a bit deeper into compassion, “sympathetic pity” means kind condescension to another’s situation without action. Wow, that’s barely a surface-level connection to another human being’s situation so there must be more to the meaning of compassion. Expanding my research, I find that the definition of empathy is the vicarious participation in another’s situation. It seems that compassion can mean feeling bad for someone’s situation and not feeling motivated to help – or it can mean suffering together and feeling motivated to help alleviate the suffering. So confusing, compassion is either feeling motivated or not feeling motivated.

Clearly, I was missing something, so I began to think about applying this to real life when suddenly, the Oscars aired, and the “slap heard around the world” happened. Like almost everyone reading this I personally don’t know any of the players, but I think it still applies to this discussion. Broadening my outlook related to the players in this scenario I looked at their roles relating to my favorite ancient yoga text, the Bhagavad Gita.

This is an allegorical battle between our internal and external selves resulting in the understanding that if you live your Dharma, there is no Karma. Dharma means your true nature, and purpose in life and Karma is the fallout of not living your dharma. In other words, when you live your dharma there is no karma. My hope for those in our Connected Warriors world, veterans, active-duty servicemembers, and their families, is for them to truly embrace their dharma with self-compassion so they can reduce karmic outcomes.

Let’s start with Jada Pinkett Smith, she was the insulted party. Watching her face as the joke was made, she politely smirked – but then her expression changed to anger when she felt she was being dissed for her disease. When I saw that she was deeply offended I immediately felt empathy because I too have been made fun of because of the way I look (non-white SoCal gal) - I have walked in those shoes. With the lens of dharma – Jada is a bad-ass woman, she is an accomplished heavy-metal rocker, wife, mother, and actress and her response was dharma appropriate being the source of a joke.

Now let’s look at Will Smith, he was the one who acted out because his wife was the subject of a joke related to her disease. After being horrified and rewinding the video because I couldn’t believe that what I saw was not a set-up, I felt pity for him - he clearly responded from his gut and not his thinking mind. Will’s dharma response was inappropriate to his role as a man, award-winning actor, husband, and father. His karmic outcome was his resignation from the organization that hosted the event. Self-compassion means that he was able to see that his actions were not his truth and he is now committed to finding that truth so he can truly “show up” in a way that supports his dharma.

Finally, there’s Chris Rock. His joke was the reason why the slap happened and once I realized it was not staged - I sympathized with him and felt compassion for his resultant action. He kept his cool and continued with grace under very trying circumstances. Chris lived his dharma as a comedian, man, father, husband, delivered a joke, and maintained compassion for Will by continuing to do his job on stage as a presenter – no karmic rebound for him.

When I turn the lens back on myself, this scenario reminds me that our words and actions matter. Part of my pursuit of compassion is to get in front of myself and have a sense of how my words or actions will land on another before it happens. Self-awareness is the key to this ability, so you are not only aware of how you think and feel, but you take it to the next level and apply it to others.

So, a final view through the lens at what happened with Jada, Will, and Chris – can you step in each one of their shoes and feel compassion for the others as well as self-compassion? Jada for being the object of a joke, Chris for being the recipient of the outcome of the joke, and Will for reacting to the joke without conscious thought. Now can you be truly compassionate to yourself and another’s circumstances and go beyond mere pity?