Mary Keel is another one of those people who I haven’t met in person, but our paths are very much tangled as we both find ourselves in the same space trying to support Warriors with the healing arts of yoga, meditation, and mindfulness. Mary is deeply connected with Connected Warriors and Yoga 4 Change. and if you’re ever in the Boca Raton area of Florida…you should

The more we work at it the easier it gets. Although we all are inherently born with the human instinct to be kind and have compassion for others, it’s through our upbringing and environment that we start to learn good, bad, and right from wrong. As children, we’re like sponges, absorbing everything we see, hear and feel, and so it’s our experiences that shape our beliefs and eventually carry over into our lives as we grow. It’s not wrong or bad, it’s just how we learned to respond to what we were exposed to. It’s understanding that we are who we are because of what we’ve been through and what we were taught. For most people compassion doesn’t really come until they find themselves in a space that requires acceptance, kindness, and self-love in order to heal from something or someone and move past the pain, myself included.

That’s because it’s only really through self-compassion that we’re able to understand what true compassion really is and why it’s essential to meaningful relationships and healthy human development. In essence, compassion starts with the self first.

I read something recently that nicely articulated the importance of compassion in today’s society, it said, “Compassion and empathy are fundamental aspects of quality relationships as they enable kind and loving behavior towards ourselves and others.” This really resonated with me, especially with all that is going on in the world today. We need less judgment and more kindness now more than ever and until we can give that to ourselves it’s nearly impossible to give it to others. The good news is, that there are new studies that connect and confirm the importance of self-compassion in order to have compassion for others. Self-compassion has been defined as involving “self-kindness versus self-judgment; a sense of common humanity versus isolation, and mindfulness versus overidentification. It is a way of recognizing one’s inability to be perfect and to see oneself from a comforting rather than critical perspective.”

This understanding that nobody is perfect and we’re all just doing the best we can with what we have is key to accessing self-compassion for ourselves and compassion for others. It’s what helps us connect to ourselves and others and enables us to see everyone as a human being first and foremost. There are many benefits to self-compassion such as reduced feelings of anxiety, depression, and rumination. With so much conversation about mental health and depression these days, self-compassion could just be the antidote to overall well-being and serve as a segway to compassion. In other words, the more self-compassion we can cultivate towards ourselves, the more compassion we will have for others.

I think one of the main reasons I was so drawn to yoga during such a difficult time is that it helped me to reconnect to myself. It allowed me to clear away all the thoughts, the judgments, the anger, the fear, and the hurt so that I could just be with myself by myself, connecting to my breath, my body, and my heart in a way that felt authentic and real. No outside influences, or shame just me at the core of my being. Accepting and loving every part of me regardless of my mistakes or shortcomings. The more I’m able to connect to that space in me the more I’m able to connect with others in that same exact space with them. It’s a connection that is felt in the heart and carries over the moment I step off my mat and into the world. This process is a practice just as compassion is but what I’ve found is that the more I practice it on my mat with myself the more I’m able to take it off my mat and put it into action with others. The ability to connect to that space of connection, compassion, and contentment is what fills my heart with gratitude knowing that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in that moment and trust that I am in the right place and on the right path and for that, I can’t help but to feel a sense of peace and love towards myself and others even if it’s only for a moment. The more I practice it the longer those moments get and the more I’m able to cultivate compassion for everyone regardless of race, ethnicity, political or religious beliefs, gender, and sexual orientation. How we treat anyone is how we treat everyone. Let’s start with ourselves first and fill up on kindness, love, and acceptance so that it carries over to all those we come in contact with whether directly or indirectly, and together we can make this a more kind, inclusive, and compassionate world for all.